The 5 Love Languages For Athletes

A fresh take on fostering connection and camaraderie, both on and off the racecourse.

“All you need is love, love
Love is all you need.”

- The Beatles

Picture this.

You’re standing on the start line, a gut-churning bundle of pre-race nerves. All of a sudden, a fellow athlete glances over and says with a wink, “You’ve got this!”

What about the training partner who joins you for 5 am swim practice or a fellow athlete who gives you a high-five?

These moments of connection make us feel seen and supported. They help keep us going, both in training and in life.

This got me thinking about Gary Chapman’s New York Times bestselling book- The 5 Love Languages- which transformed the way we think about relationships by identifying five primary ways people express and receive love.

What if we applied this idea to athletes?

Whether it’s lifting up a fellow athlete before the gun goes off, or cheering each other on towards the finish, triathlon (or any sport really) is all about connection.

Read on to discover The 5 Love Languages for Athletes.

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The concept of love languages was developed by Gary Chapman, Ph.D., in The 5 Love Languages: Secrets to Love that Lasts.

And before you think, “This sounds super corny,” consider that it’s been a New York Times bestseller for over a decade with over 20 million copies sold.

Essentially, the five love languages are the different ways that we express and receive love.

But it’s not just about romantic love.

It’s about all human relationships.

Think about it. We have many different types of relationships in our lives.

Romantic: We love our spouse, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, ect.

Friends: We love our friends, training partners, and coaches.

Family: We love our family.

Workplace: We love (some of our) work colleagues.

The theory is that not everyone communicates love in the same way. Likewise, we have different ways that we prefer to receive love.

Since this week is the kick-off to the Christmas season, and I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, I thought it would be fun to look at the 5 love languages and see how they can apply to athletes.

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1. Words of affirmation

Someone whose love language is words of affirmation feels loved through speech or written word that conveys praise or appreciation.

Some examples include:

• Saying “I love you”

• Words of praise when you do something well

• An encouraging text message or written note

• Special names or terms of endearment

• Showing verbal appreciation for doing a task, like the laundry or dishes.

It doesn’t have to be a grand pronouncement. Small heartfelt comments go a long way.

For athletes, this might look like:

• A friend or family member saying you did a great job at a race

• Saying “You got this!” to a nervous athlete on the start line

• A thoughtful text message wishing you good luck before a race

• A handwritten card saying congratulations on a big achievement

• Your coach saying what a fantastic job you did executing a workout

People with this love language might feel hurt by excessive criticism or lack of verbal and written appreciation.

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2. Quality time

This love language is about spending time together doing shared activities and giving someone your undivided attention.

For example:

• Having meaningful conversations

• Doing activities together

• Sharing thoughts, feelings, and goals

• Actively listening and making eye contact when speaking

Quality time isn’t just about being in the same room as someone. There’s an emphasis on quality.

This one is tailor-made for athletes who train together!

• Waking up at 5 am to do a swim workout with a training partner

• Joining friends on a group ride

• Talking about your upcoming races, goals, fears, and dreams

• Doing club meet-ups, training camps, group workouts, ect.

People with this love language might feel hurt if their friends seem distracted, don’t listen, or frequently cancel plans.

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3. Receiving gifts

This love language is pretty self-explanatory. It’s about giving meaningful gifts that serve as tangible symbols of love.

It’s not necessarily about spending a lot of money. It’s the thought that counts.

• Bringing home a cup of coffee or treat for no reason

• Surprising them with their favorite candy

• Making a playlist with meaningful songs

• Giving a handwritten card with a sweet message

For athletes, this might be as simple as sharing a mid-ride coffee with friends.

• Making a gift that celebrates a friend’s accomplishment

• Taking your training partner to a post-ride lunch

• Bringing Christmas cookies to swim practice

• Giving a congratulations card after a big race

People with this love language might feel hurt if they don’t receive meaningful gifts or if their partner, friends, or family forget special occasions like birthdays or anniversaries.

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4. Acts of service

For people with this love language, actions speak louder than words. These people prefer love that’s expressed through doing things that are helpful.

• Making your spouse coffee in the morning

• Volunteering to do grocery shopping

• Making your favorite meal after a rough day at work

• Doing chores like laundry or dishes without being asked

This love language is about proactively reducing the workload of a loved one or friend, because you care enough to help out.

For an athlete, it might look like:

• Taking on childcare duties because your spouse has a big training weekend

• Offering to cook dinner on a night when your partner needs to get in a workout

• Volunteering to serve at a race

• Setting up a club activity or group meet-ups at races

People with this love language may feel hurt when others break commitments, exhibit laziness, and don’t pitch in to help.

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5. Physical touch

People with this love language feel most loved through physical affection.

• Cuddling on the couch

• Kissing

• Holding hands

• Sitting close together

• Physical intimacy

This isn’t just restricted to romantic love. You know the teammate who likes to celebrate with a pat on the back or a big hug? That’s definitely a physical touch person.

• Giving a high-five to someone on the race course

• Shaking someone’s hand in welcome

• Giving a hug to a nervous athlete on the start line

• Celebrating at the finish line with a big hug

For people with this love language, a lack of physical connection may make them feel unloved and forgotten.

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Why is this important?

To recap, the five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts, and physical touch.

So why is this important?

Not everyone shows love in the same way. Likewise, we have different ways that we prefer to receive love.

The key is that whatever our love language is, that tends to be the way we show love to others.

But what happens if your love language is different than the person you’re showing love to?…

Let’s say your love language is acts of service, but your spouse doesn’t bother to help with the kids, do laundry, or offer to cook dinner when you’re exhausted while training for an Ironman.

Your love language is quality time, but your friend skips out on swim practice and always cancels for your weekend bike ride.

What if your love language is words of affirmation, but your coach doesn’t give you any feedback on workouts, or tell you he’s proud of you?

You wouldn’t feel very loved, right?

That’s why it’s important. Because we all need to feel loved, and we want to show others how much they mean to us, in a way they can relate to.

So take a moment and think about your spouse, a friend, family member, or teammate. Can you guess their primary love language?

You probably can, just based on their actions. *hint, most of us have two main love languages.

Then, make an effort to show love to that person in their love language, not yours.

Try this and you will be shocked at how your relationships improve with better communication, greater emotional connection, and deeper fulfillment.

Still not convinced?

Answer this question: Which actions by Ironman make you feel most appreciated?

A. Hearing “You are an Ironman!” announced over the loudspeaker (words of affirmation)

B. Organization of a open water swim practice, shake-out run, and welcome dinner (quality time)

C. Receiving a cool medal, great swag bag, and discounts at restaurants (receiving gifts)

D. VIP athlete check-in, complimentary race week shuttle, on-site bike mechanic (acts of service)

E. Amenities like post-race massage, volunteers who help in changing tents, and being handed a medal at the finish line (physical touch)

Spoiler Alert: Ironman does ALL of these things, because they want to make sure athletes feel appreciated and keep coming back for more. They don’t know what experiences you value most, so they cover their bases and offer something for every “athlete love language.”

Still not sure what your love language is?

*Today’s MEMBERS ONLY CONTENT for the Triple Threat Life Club is a fun quiz- What’s My Athlete Love Language?

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What’s My Athlete Love Language?

Read the statements below and select the answers that relate to you as an athlete. Then, view the key at the bottom to see what’s your athlete love language.

*Remember, you might have 2 primary love languages.